We human beings are constantly tricking and manipulating each other; to possess control over one another. This is a disgusting attribute that is only found within our species.
Other animals are not as disconnected from nature as we are. The mighty Grizzly Bear, the Timber Wolf, do not plot power plays, and plan for total control over all other bears, or wolves. They are born with the knowledge we have somehow lost: that life is a rare and beautiful phenomenon that has thrived here and produced a planet plush with plants, animals, and sentient beings, that are all connected to a cycle that we humans do not appreciate.

HUMANITY NEEDS TO AWAKEN TO THE FUTURE THAT ALLOWS US TO BECOME THE INTELLIGENCE WE ARROGANTLY PRETEND TO EXERCISE AS A SOCIETY. IF NOT WE WILL BE AS EXTINCT AS DINOSAURS. ABOLISH GOVERNMENT!! ALLOW THE WORLD TO KEEP TIME WITH NATURE, NOT CALANDERS AND CLOCKS. NO BELIEFS ENFORCED, NO CHOICES DENIED; JUST THE FANTASTIC REALITY THAT WE ARE HERE SIMPLEY BECAUSE OUR WORLD IS QUITE UNIQUE, AND CONDITIONS WERE JUST RIGHT.

NO GOD. NO PRESIDENT. NO POLICE.
FUCK MONEY, FUCK RELIGEON, AND FUCK THE UNITED NATIONS.

YOU ARE YOUR OWN GOD. CREATE YOUR EXISTENCE IN PARADISE, OR HELP BUILD HELL AROUND US ALL.

existing in shadow of a fear

fear of insignificance

hurting and attacked

lying in defense

works are in motion ; grinding their gears

Looking back, I never had a chance.

The oppressors are winning

lying and manipulating

piping their pipe, and dancing their dance.

The systems pressure has me breaking

torturous, unbearable, intolerable

and yet we allow it to control us.

breathing its greed through us.

Revolt.

question everything

come to conclusions on your own.

Be a renegade, find your own way

The rules to out grow

To be an individual one day.

(or let the media cum on you)

NEW INSPIRATION!

The wise Jello Biafra has somewhat lit a fire under my ass, and I now feel inspired as a writer, and compelled as an aware human informing the herd.

I have a vinyl record album titled “BECOME THE MEDIA”, a spoken word album by Jello Biafra.

Busted out the record player…:still relistening :: side A then B. Then C and D, and then E and F…and repeat. What a great record and amazing message.

I really believe if I got a chance to get some communication line open with Mr. Biafra,  he could help this imature writer with direction, and purpose.  Not to say he hasn’t already outlined worthy purposes.  He has reminded me of my pasion for rebelling against a system that has become truly corrupt.

THANK YOU J!.

The logical question now, is:

Where to go from here?

Well, I must force myself to keep writing.. both my poetry and this, maybe try to finish a few of those short stories that have been brewing for nearly a decade.

On a personal note; from here I am going on a ‘healthier’ choice of lifestyle.  The self abuse needs to end before I expect to become a man my daughter can be proud of. =)

I am certain not a soul reads my blog ( except for some drone agent in front of a monitor at NSA headquarters).  So why write?

To exercise dummy.

Joel

What the fuck?! what in my brain has snapped, how do I begin to find my way out of this, and do I really want to?
God, thou hast forsaken me. FUCK the cruel deity you weaklings pray and hope to.

I AM REBUILT IN MY DESIGN, Shedding clean of your shackles. How hard the hurt must hit to feel it at all any more. My numbed world is comfortable. You are in danger. This place is going to burn, ash in my image, death at the heels. Weakness, and fear have hidden this strength of mine from the eyes of the world. They all watch me, as I defile sacred gifts.

What a wonderful world filled with good-byes, and too bads. I miss the happiness, I feel empty and sick, from losing all the good my life hast reaped.  I shudder in disgust as I look in my mirror.

This is the new me, a monster of insignificant failures, mistakes, and regrets.  Clawing and teething for fresh blood for the thirst of madness.  What is this I feel, why is this what I say?
JOEL

~Anton LaVey

Emotionally empty No existence of love when hatred runs so deep

Obviously oblivious Understandably suspicious

Keep aiming and baiting While it is the reasoning she misses No other option

Or excuse, nor circumstancial exception

Mistakes and accomplishment Decorate the path we keep taking And talking and cannot listen Stumble far from intentions

Insanely asinine Incompresensabley common Cowardly comments, and critical judgments You are all weak and pathetic More horror than Human. I hope for your suffering While contributing nothing.

And standing in ruin.

end

On:    http://www.myspace.com/lifender

philosophy of joel

Heres something cool I wrote for some high-school science class.  My Christian science teacher, (no not an oxymoron) but a contridiction, gave me a D for borrowing without sites. Which I didn’t do! I picked all this up here and there, there wasn’t a single source to credit.The real joke is that I turned in the same paper to creative writing and got an A.

There where more pages, somehow lost over time, so I wrapped it up by memory but here it is: a 10th graders bleek view of existence.enjoy!

PHILOSIPHY of JOEL

Decisions; Ones we make, and the ones that others do that effect us, are the fabric of intelligent consciousness.  They determine where we end up, how we get there, and are motivated by our emotions and reasoning.  Reasoning is our humanly pathetic attempt at logic and explanation. Emotions are instinctual and exist only in our brain.  You could say logic, education, or intelligence is mans attempt to label and understand the exterior reality, when all we really sense and experience is in the mind (interior). We exist in two plains; as a physical mammalian earthly animal, and inside our brains as entities encased in a complex evolving computer.  This second plain allows us to experience the first with auxiliary sensory organs, and feelings as responding to the nature of the experience.

Emotions are not as complex as our minds make them out to be.  They derived from the evolutionary drive for survival, the two basic instincts: love and fear.

Love is our need to mate, to matter to one another, and to be a contribution to future of our species; to add to the big picture.  It is the youngest of the two prime emotions,  since fear is all that is required, and procreation simply happened if chance and carefully successful survival is allowed.

I believe love evolved from our developed intelligence, and the ability to understand gave the feelings and needs to be understood.

‘If you and I are so smart, then why doesn’t anyone have a clue ( and is too scared to find one) about the death of consciousness within the dying process.

This is one explanation to why we humans feel the need to be understood and needed, because we are smart; and in the back of our minds we know that every  single thing that makes us ‘individuals’, our ‘personality’ disappears in death. We live and we love, but then…  We die!, and we try and try to come up with some magical fantastic answer, that doesn’t face the inevitability of the end of your existence.  That our body is the computer, and there is no continuation after its destruction.

ACCEPT IT, learn from it and move on until you are destroyed by it.

Maybe if we quit lying to ourselves; one day humanity may conquer certain things that presently are unbeatable, unavoidable, and unexplainable to God fearing, after-life believing ‘mystics’.

No wrench. No hammer.
Not even a knife.
No mental weapons to end my own life.
Try to be one, the same once again,
But my own psyche only leads to dead ends.
Knowing old ways bring back these bad days.
A mind forever lost – emptiness stays.

So fuck the real life I’ll never get back,
And fuck the fake friends that fall through the cracks.
Experience life lost and the love that it cost.
Never again given any trust
Hung on a cross
Without her to stay
Time now to wake & face this bad day.

~END~